I dont think I can look at another man with the same eyes.
Taste his tongue as if it were yours.
I dont think I could hold his gaze for moments of purity, where the vacant noise fills with the yearning of our hearts.
I’ve looked for men with hands like yours, ones that mended too many times before.
Ones that gathered my feet to your lap.
Ones that held my tears like the last droplets of water.
I’ve searched for men with your laugh, to remind me what the sound of endless mornings would sound like.
And your smell, smelled like the origins of spice, tainted with the temperaments of another women.
And your smile I don’t know if there’s anything like that I could find, cause three times it was deception, two times it regined of lust, and one time it stole the light in my eyes.
You see, I cant look another man with the same eyes cause everything is different.
Your smiled fooled my lips, your smell shielded my eyes, your taste left me foolish.
I see him sometimes and the look in his eyelauryn hill
Is one of a man who’s lost treasures untold
But my heart is gold I took back my soul
And totally let my creator control
The life which was his to begin with
I know for Lent your usually suppose to give something up, but for the past two years I’ve stopped doing that and I started taking something on. This lent I decided to do more of an outreach type of thing. Not necessarily speak the gospel, but be THAT christian that I know I am, and suppose to be. I just feel like in college its so easy to get caught up with other things that aren’t important that we often forget our own true character and being. I just want to exemplify who I am as a person and Christian at the same time. I know it wont be easy at all, but I am definitely going to try.
It’s insane realizing how much has changed in the past year. How much I’ve changed in the last year. You know what, I’m happy though. Like for the first time in a minute, I’m content. And I really don’t know what you can ask for other than that. Im really really blessed. God willing, it will remain this way.
Our men do not belong to us. Even my own father, left one afternoon, is not mine. My brother is in prison, is not mine. My uncles, they go back home and they are shot in the head, are not mine. My cousins, stabbed in the street for being too – or not – enough, are not mine.
Then the men we try to love, say we carry too much loss, wear too much black, are too heavy to be around, much too sad to love. Then they leave and we mourn them too. Is that what we’re here for? To sit at kitchen tables, counting on our fingers the ones who died, those who left and the others who were taken by the police, or by drugs, or by illness or by other women. It makes no sense. Look at your skin, her mouth, these lips, those eyes, my God, listen to that laugh. The only darkness we should allow into our lives is the night, and even then, we have the moon.
did this for the last two years and only feel like i should keep it going…
2012 was nothing I expected. Especially the last four months. Just a whirlwind of ?!? I wont elaborate but I’m not happy about all the turnouts, but as always God is behind every happening with a reason and I have to give it to Him at the end of the day. 2012 its been real, real, but im saying peace to you with a smile on my face.
2013. All I want is significance. I want something real to happen and God forbid it to be bad, but I want to find something thats right. That just fits and sticks. I want something to be apart of me, that i didn’t know that mattered or much less make me more of me. I want to be bold in what I want and proactive in my desires, but I also want to be more humbled. More in tune with myself and my faith. I want to grow per se into the person I am; like be my full being without losing sight. I want to spend more quality time with my family. Lastly, I want to come to terms with myself, the good and bad. 2013, just let me live, but learn. taankyuu.
Taking a step back and choosing to love myself again. Self reflection November.